He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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