we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
