I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
