she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
