I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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