She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
