my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
