People with herpes should wear stickers.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
