Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I am puke
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
