the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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