rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
