His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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