i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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