Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
