The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
