Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
