Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
