the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
