I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
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