How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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