Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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