Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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