somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
