I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
