I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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