Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
