either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
