Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if only i could text you this smell
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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