I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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