I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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