So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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