I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
