STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
