Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
