So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
