somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
