and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
