elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
