So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
