i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
