i was rollin on her like bob the builder
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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