Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
