hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I came so hard my ears popped.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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