I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
