I just cut my nipple shaving
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
And then he peed in my hair
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