woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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