i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
