You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sext me about skeletons
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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