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• (+44): View more from England

  I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.

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• (458): View more from Oregon

  I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?

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• (941): View more from Florida

  Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy

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• (903): View more from Texas

  I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit

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• (415): View more from California

  She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren

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