I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Randomize
