Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
