Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
